


Free fallin´

by anniegirl27



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU after summer 2012, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anniegirl27/pseuds/anniegirl27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you realize that you have fallen in love with your best friend? That maybe you have always been? Harry knows; you try your best to hide it. But Harry’s best friend is Louis Tomlinson and he is hard to hide from especially when you share a flat as well as a career with him. Will Harry face up to his feelings, and will Louis finally recognize some of his own?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free fallin´

**Author's Note:**

> Au around summer 2012 Harry and Louis still lives together.

# Free Fallin´

### Chapter 1

### Harry opens the door and steps in. Kicking off his shoes and lets out a sigh. He puts his bag down and inhales. Home, it smells like home.

 

“…I´m a bad boy for breaking her heart..and I´m free fallin… “

The sound of Louis´ voice comes out slightly muffled by the bathroom door. Harry can´t help but smile. He is glad no one can see him, because he is sure he looks like grinning idiot. He doesn’t want to ponder too much as to why he feels like he can breathe for the first time in days. Why stepping in here feels like he is in the only place where he can be himself and with the only person who makes him feel that it’s okay to be just Harry. The voice behind the closed door pitches even higher.

“…Yeah I´m free…free falling..”

Harry picks it up in a lower tone and steps right up to the closed door.

“ Free fallin..now I´m free..now I´m.. free fallin “

“Always have to have the solos huh..Hazza?” He hears Louis voice through the door.

“That was the chorus you idiot..” Harry answers and throws open the door.

Louis never uses the lock, which is strange considering he grew up with four sisters.

“Honey, I´m home,” Harry says with a laugh, and throws Louis a towel from the rack.

Louis just screams in mock modesty and covers himself up with the towel.

“That you are,” He gins at the younger boy,” Thank fucking God for that. People have been tweeting me like crazy, asking if you are going solo, or if you are fucking Taylor Swift.” Louis sweeps by Harry and into the hallway without drying his feet, leaving damp footprints on the carpet on his way over to the kitchen.  
Harry follows him.

“I meet the girl once,” Harry mumbles under his breath.

“Yes well considering your rep, bro, you only had to meet her once to.. you know?” Louis makes an obscene gesture with his hand while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Funny ,Tomlinson,” Harry pushes past him and opens the fridge, all of a sudden very thirsty.

“You didn’t though, did you?” All of sudden Louis´ voice sounds unsure and Harry watches him pick random things of the counter and putting them in the sink in some lame attempt at cleaning.

“Fuck Taylor Swift?” Harry asks, confused to when the whole conversation took a serious turn.

“No, I mean great or wherever if you did, I´m talking about the solo thing. You’re not leaving the band are you?” Louis is not looking at Harry as he speaks, and Harry watches small droplets of water fall from the older boy’s fringe and down his face.

“What? Do you seriously think I would do such a thing behind your back? Behind the lads back?” Harry can’t keep the anger and surprise out of his voice.  
Louis looks up and meets his eyes. Harry forgets what they are talking about for a second.

“No I didn´t mean it like that. I´s just everybody were saying it and..” Louis trails off.

“Yes because everything that people tweet us and writes on the fucking internet are true,” Harry say throwing his arms up.  
Louis looks down before making a funny face, and bursting out laughing. Harry can´t help but join him. The tension of the flight and the hectic week he has been having slowly falling off him.

“Yes you wish, cos then you would have tapped this,” Louis says, slapping his butt before throwing his arm around Harry´s shoulders.

“ God, get over yourself ,Boobear,” Harry says and nuzzles his nose into Louis´ damp hair inhaling the scent of his shampoo and the scent that is purely Louis.

After that he finds himself being tickled by one half naked Louis Tomlinson and he breaks free grabbing his bag in the hallway claiming to have to unpack. In his room, with the door securely closed, Harry throws himself on the bed and tries desperately not to pounder on why his erection is straining painfully against his zipper and why his heart his beating a mile a minute.  
•

#### I’ve seen christmas lights, reflect in your eyes

The base from the loudspeakers runs through Harry. The bodies move around him. The alcohol runs through his veins. His heart beats fast. Sweat tickles his forehead. He closes his eyes letting his body sway to the beat, people pushes up against him. The smell of sweat mixes up with heavy perfumes. Harry wants to stay here forever, lost in the beat, lost in the feeling of being only a small part of a big mass. No responsibilities, no pressure, only the feeling of moving in unison. Hands grab him from behind, Harry open his eyes, startled. A hot breath against his neck. Relief pushes through as Harry feels the hands wrap around him and a voice shout in his ear.

“You were making some hot dance moves there ,Styles.”

Lou, it’s only Lou. But for some reason that doesn’t make Harry´s heart slow down. He can hear his own pulse drum in his ears even with the base pumping away. Harry knows he should turn around and say something about how he learned from the best. Maybe whispering to Louis to stop some traffic and wave on through. Louis would laugh, the lights from the pulsating spotlights would reflect in his eyes, and Harry would… he would do something stupid.. no… That is why he can´t turn around. That is why he only leans back feeling Louis´ solid chest against his back. Louis sways close to him for some time before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the bar. Harry follows; it’s the way it is. Louis leads and Harry follows were ever he wants to go. It’s the way it’s always been. Louis´ hand is warm in Harry´s. Harry watches Louis´ back as he leads him forward through the crowd. The older boy’s white t shirt has ridden up a bit on his back, revealing a strip of skin. His jeans cling to all the right places. Harry himself must constantly pull up his trousers, but not Louis. Harry lets himself look, the alcohol making him slightly less inhibited. Not that Louis ever minds Harry looking at him. Sometimes he even gets the feeling that Louis gets disappointed when Harry´s not. He pulls Harry up to the bar ordering them something. Harry leans heavily on the counter. Louis smiles at him, reaching out trying to adjust some of Harry´s more wild curls. Being with Louis is like Christmas and your birthday put together, Harry thinks to himself.

Harry pulls the covers over himself and snuggles into the pillow trying to stay in dreamland a little longer. It’s no use though, his tongue feels dry and his bladder won’t allow him any more rest. He groans as he throws off the covers, and heads for the loo. The pounding in his head doesn’t start until he has relived himself and is staring back at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror. But then it hits with force. Why the hell did he drink so fucking much last night? O yes Louis kept buying him drinks, and Harry had kept drinking them. The memories feel hazy inside Harry´s mind. The dance floor, the lads. Liam heading home early, missing Danielle. Zayn hitting it off with some girl. Niall going off with some lads to grab something to eat. Harry alone on the dance floor, the blinking lights, the heat, and then Louis. It’s always Louis, he´s always there, even when Harry closes his eyes he still sees Louis. His smile, the way his eyes always sparkle with some new mischief he´s thinking up. The way he brushes his hair off his face, the way he´s always looking at Harry.´

Brushing his teeth doesn’t help, Harry´s mouth still tastes foul, as he smacks his tongue against his gums. He looks over to the brush, but doesn’t even attempt to sort his hair out. He can hear Louis rumble about in the kitchen. Whistling some tune. Louis is a horrible person to be around when you’re hung-over, mainly because Louis doesn’t get hung-over. He is just as he always is, and it frustrates Harry to no end. Harry pushes the door open and heads into his room to pull some boxers on. The bright light from the window makes his head pound harder and the urge to have a glass of  
water makes Harry head to the kitchen even though the bed looks inviting. Stepping into some sweats pants he found on the floor Harry stumbles into the kitchen.

“Those are mine, I have been looking for them,” Louis greets Harry in chipper tone when he sees him.

“What are yours?” Harry mumbles as he pours himself a big glass of water and starts pouring it down his throat.

“The sweat pants , they look good on you though. Totally digging the showing half you calf thing, sexy” Louis says while chewing loudly on a sandwich.

“It’s rude to talk with your mouth full,” Harry answers back, his voice raspier than usual.

“Well I see that you are your usuall lovely self today, Harry Styles,” Louis says, walking over to Harry putting his hands on the younger boy’s bare shoulders.

“ Want me to massage the tension out of you?” He says before squeezing Harry ´s shoulders.

“ No fuck, don’t touch me,” Harry regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

He has no idea where they have come from. He always wants Louis to touch him. He has never denied the other boy to do so, have never wanted to. On the contrary he has often looked at Louis with puppy dog eyes until the other boy has come over to him and cuddled up closely. Harry has no idea where the words have come from; because he still wants Louis to touch him. It’s just that he wants it so bad now that it literally hurts. So much that it takes up his entire being, Louis´ touch is all he craves and when Louis´ hands are on his bare skin now all he wants is for them to be there, to caress him, to hold him. He wants to turn around and feel Louis. Feel all of him, his skin, his hair, his breath. Feel his heartbeat against his ribcage, his lips pressed to his own. He wants to crawl under Louis´ skin if he could, he wants to feel all of Louis and he wants Louis to feel all of him. But instead he stands there stiff and the words hang in the air in black letters. He feels Louis back away and the hurt and confusion is clear in his voice as he speaks.

“Sorry, I was only trying..” He trails of unsure how to continue, Louis is never unsure how to continue.

Harry grips the steel counter before speaking.

“I´m sorry, I just have a really bad headache.”

He leaves the kitchen, his eyes trailed on his own bare feet.  
•

#### You’re sweet like chocolate

It’s not that Harry is trying to avoid Louis as much as it is Harry trying to avoid how he acts around Louis. How he´s not acting like he is supposed to, like he used to. It is almost as if he has lost his manuscript, and is no longer able to play the role of the carefree best friend. And he who used to have the part down perfectly, Louis would move and he would move. Louis would say that and Harry would answer that, now Harry feels out of step. Whatever the reason for his avoidance is, the result is the same though. Harry hides. He hides in his room for hours, even to the point that Louis starts to make jokes about Harry´s new masturbation habits. Those jokes makes Harry want to hide even more, as they are not that far from the truth. Hiding in your room for hours can get rather boring; he has to entertain himself somehow. He hides at Zayn´s. Goes for long walks; annoying security as they have to know where he is at all times. He even goes home to his mum for two weekends in a row causing her to ask him questions. Questions he doesn’t want to answer. Making him hide in his room back home too, faking headaches.

Harry hides and he knows it´s starting to worry Louis, because the older boy cracks more jokes than usual, he tries to touch Harry whenever he is in reach. The more Harry pulls away the more clingy Louis becomes. The clingier Louis becomes the more Harry pulls away, it´s an evil circle that Harry has no idea how to break other than telling the truth, and that is no option. That would ruin the greatest friendship he has ever had. No he just has to hide until these feelings go away. Until he can think of Louis and not picture him naked. Until he can look in Louis eyes and not get lost. Until he can press this ridiculous infatuation down and just be Louis friend like he used to. But as days become weeks Harry starts to wonder if that will ever happen.

“You want another?” Niall stretches the chocolate bar in Harry´s direction.

Harry looks up startled realizing he once again has gotten lost in his own inner dialog. He smiles at Niall taking the bar and lets himself take a big bite before returning it. A hand reaches out from Harry´s left. The hand swipes something off Harry´s cheek. Harry knowswho the hand belongs to without looking; he has even made a point of not looking in that direction. Now he is forced to tough. Anything else would seem strange, he regrets it the same moment he does it tough. Louis smiles at him and puts his thumb in his mouth.

“You had a smudge there, sweet cheeks,” Louis says around his thumb.

Harry only nods and turns back to the telly and the movie they are watching. His heart sinks, this whole idea he had about pressing down his feelings for Louis and making them go away, yeah never going to work. He´s fucked, with no chances of being fucked, oh the irony. If Harry didn´t feel so down he would have laughed at it. Now though, all he can do is keep his eyes on the screen and pray to the man in the sky that the stiffly in his pants will go down soon. Just the idea of Louis sucking on that thumb of his, has Harry´s mind racing, add that Louis is sucking on something he swiped from Harrys body doesn’t help. Chocolate is sweet, but Louis is so much sweeter and that will be Harry´s downfall no doubt.

Harry is amazed that its feels the same every time. It is like walking into a wall of energy, it´s radiates, bounces off the walls. The screaming starts, high pitched voices. He stretches his fingers out a couple of times, knowing how bad his hand will hurt at the end of it. He inhales before letting his grin appear walking over to the chair where he will be sitting for the next two hours or so. He is supposed to sit next to Liam. He knows so as he has asked the animated girl in charge for the signing to make sure he is closest to the exit. And he knows that Liam´s name is placed next to that chair. But when he plops down in the plastic seat of the foldout chair he sees Louis sitting down next to him. Casually switching out Liam´s name with his own. Harry gives Louis a questioning look. At least he hopes that it is and not a panicky one. Because panic is what he feels.  
“I wanted to sit next to you,” Louis whispers in his ear and gives him a smile before turning to the crowd of girls in front of them.  
………

Harry doesn’t know why he is so angry. He just is. Liam´s eyes are big, watching Harry with disbelief.

“He always gets what he fucking wants. You just let him take your seat no questions asked,” Harry spits out the words quietly, his face close to Liam´s.

“He just wanted to sit next to you. He always wants to sit next to you, and quite frankly Styles it’s kind of annoying sitting between the two of you as you always has to reach for each other and I just feel in the fucking way,” Liam is clearly annoyed too now.

Harry feels drained from the signing, his head hurts from smiling for too long and from the screams that just seemed to go on and on. They’re at the back of the mall waiting for the car to take them home.

“What are you boys whispering about?” Louis asks putting his arms around both boys’ shoulders.

“I just think Harry´s really tired,” Liam says not looking at Harry.

“What´s the matter, Hazza? I thought you had worked up the strength in your right hand with all that time you spend in your room.”

Harry just shrugs Louis off his shoulder and walks over to Niall mumbling something about being overworked. He doesn’t see Louis face but he knows that it has that confused hurt look he seems to wear so often around Harry now days. Harry knows Louis only trying to be a good friend and that Harry is being a prick to him but he has no idea how to be around Louis anymore.  
•

#### Burns and girlfriends

The first thing Louis notices as he steps into the flat is that the shoes are sorted in color order and so are the jackets on the hallway hanger. Louis has all of a sudden a hard time to swallow. As he kicks his shoes off and follows Eleanor in to the kitchen he sees that all of the surfaces shine. Eleanor smiles, but the unease won’t leave Louis. Eleanor only cleans like this when she is angry or terribly upset. Not that she is messy but her flat is usually littered with little things she leaves behind and Louis has never seen the flat like this. Eleanor must have been cleaning for days.

“Coffee?” She asks.

Louis only manage to nod. Eleanor moves over to the coffee machine and loads it and picks up a dishcloth and starts to swipe off the counter, the spotless counter with no trace of dirt that is. Louis watches absentmindedly her hand swipe back and forth, the small tremble in it does not go unnoticed by him though.

“Are you angry about something?” Louis asks softly, feeling like he is walking around on eggshells here. He has no idea to why.  
He is suddenly worried that some fan had tweeted something mean to Eleanor. Not that she usually takes notice of such things. But he can´t think of a single thing he could have done to upset her.

“No,” Eleanor drags out the word,” I´m just super, okay? How about you Louis? You have been kind of down lately, haven’t you?” She turns around looking at him, her big eyes scanning him.  
Louis drags his hand through his hair unsure how to answer. Sure he has been a bit down. Sure he might have talked a lot about it to Eleanor. But isn’t that what you were supposed to do in a relationship? As he is about to answer Eleanor continues on her own.

“Harry still acting strange? Still worried he doesn’t want to be your best friend anymore?” Eleanor had started swiping off the counter again while talking.

Louis smiles uneasy, because suddenly it feels like the kitchen has shrunk, like there is no room and no air. If he didn’t think it would upset Eleanor even further he would have joked about where the freaking elephant that just walked in had come from. And he still cannot figure out why she is angry. Yes he has been confiding in her about Harry´s strange behavior, how he avoids Louis, doesn’t like him to touch him. How he hides in his room and stays out late, God knows where. And then the last drop when they discussed living arrangements on their next tour, how Harry in front of all the lads had said that it would be fun if they switched it up a bit and maybe Harry and Niall could share a room. This had upset Louis to no end. He had been on the phone with Eleanor about it for almost two hours. When he comes to think if it he can’t really remember Eleanor saying much during that conversation. And if Louis is to be honest with himself she had sounded a bit strange when they had said good bye almost like she was choking down tears.

“Yeah I guess, I mean I know I have talked some about it.”

Eleanor gives up a small laugh. Louis watches her but she turns and looks out the window before answering him.

“I have been thinking about some things, Lou,” she starts.  
Louis doesn’t like the sound of that. When is it ever a good thing when someone says they have been thinking about some things? He wants to make a joke, make Eleanor laugh for real, not that strange laugh she just let out. But nothing comes to mind.

“ I´m going to be away, doing some jobs in Italy for a while,” She stops and Louis sees her hand go up to her cheek like she is wiping something away,” And I was thinking that we might take a break, just to, I don´t know, just take a break from each other for a while.”

Louis feels something cold spread in him. A break, everyone knew what that meant. It was just the same as breaking up. What was happening to his life? It felt like just yesterday he had it all, a beautiful girlfriend, a great career, screaming fangirls and a wonderful best friend whom he loved and who loved him back. Now it felt like everything was just falling apart. And Louis had no idea why.

“What will we say to the press?”

If Louis could, he would have reached out and pulled the words right back into his mouth as he said them.  
He has a dreadful feeling that was not what Eleanor wanted to hear.  
She turned around facing him, her hair spread out over her shoulders as she did. Louis had never seen her like this, it was as if something was glowing in her before she composed herself and answered him.

“I am sure management will come up with something, but you know what, Lou? I don´t really care. I just think we need this, some time away from each other to figure some things out. God knows I need it, and maybe if you were to be honest maybe you need it too, Louis.”

For a moment Louis thinks she is going to touch him, but she doesn’t. She moves over to the coffee machine pouring the black liquid into two cups, holding one out to him. Louis takes it and puts it to his lips. The hot drink burn in his mouth and scolds his tongue but he swallows it down. It’s a nice distraction form what is happening.

 

Harry sinks lower down into the sofa as he hears the key turn and the door open. Zayn looks over to Harry, watching him. Harry looks back at Zayn, glad he´s there. Harry has been hanging out a lot with Zayn lately. The Bradford boy has not questioned Harry´s sudden interests in his company, for that Harry is grateful. But sometimes he sees Zayn watching him with a worried expression and yesterday he asked if there were something Harry would like to talk about. Words Harry has never heard the black haired boy utter. Harry had just joked it away, asking Zayn when he replaced his dick with a vagina. Zayn had not lost his serous expression though and Harry had almost felt like he could talk to Zayn, almost. Harry hears Louis in the hallway and expects him to come bursting in, throwing himself on the sofa and grabbing hold of Zayn in a lose chokehold. It´s what Louis does, it’s who he is. Zayn must have expected it too because he looks just as surprised as Harry when they hear Louis move past the living room and onto his room and close the door. Harry feels something resembling panic rush through him as he tries to bring his attention back to the game he and Zayn are playing.

“You should really go see what the hell is up with Louis,” Zayn says putting down his remote.

“Why don´t you do it?” Harry asks, not taking his eyes away from the TV.

Zayn is silent for a while before answering.

“Because he would want it to be you, because you want it to be you” Zayn says and something in his tone makes Harry think that maybe he doesn’t have to confide in Zayn, maybe Zayn already knows.

He moves up from the sofa slowly and moves over to Louis door, placing a soft nock on it. Nothing. He stands awkwardly outside the door unsure what to do.

“Are you okay?” He asks through the closed door.

Harry presses the handle down and opens the door as if moved by some curridge he didn´t think he possessed.  
Louis sits on his bed, hugging a pillow in his lap, eyes trailed forward as in deep though. Harry moves into the room and closes the door. The older boy moves his eyes over to Harry but he is still silent.

“Something the matter, Boobear?” Harry asks, and moves over to the boy on the bed, realizing that he hasn’t used the nickname in weeks. Something tugs at his heart at that thought.

Louis sighs and starts to move over on the bed but Harry tugs him close, wrapping his arms around Louis who leans in to Harry´s chest still hugging the pillow. They sit like that for a while, not saying anything. Harry moves his fingers through Louis hair feeling the soft strands against his skin.

“Are you going to tell me what’s the matter?” Harry finally asks even though he would be content with sitting like this for an eternity.

“It´s just that, I know that this is going to sound vain and selfish,” Louis begins.

“Yes, your main traits, Lou,” Harry chuckles.

He can feel Louis smile against his chest, but the older boy’s body is stiff and Harry can almost sense sadness radiating off him.

“It’s just that everything in my life seems to be going down the fucking drain lately. My solos are shit, I´m starting to doubt I can even sing anymore, Eleanor wants to take some fucking brake, possibly to go fuck some Italian dude, and you Harry,” Louis inhales, and Harrys heart is beating so fast in his chest he is afraid he might pass out,” you Harry my best friend in the whole fucking world doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me anymore. Yes that quite sums it up.” Louis cannot help but to put his hand dramatically on his forehead and let out a mock sigh.” Its official, I just crowned myself the worst drama queen of all time.”

Harry knows Louie is trying to light up the mood some but Harry can see real distress in his friend’s eyes.

“You and Eleanor broke up?” Is all Harry can choke out.

He can see a small flicker of disapproval in Louis´ eyes before he answers.

“She´s calling it a break, but let’s face it most breaks turns out to be permanent. And are you not going to comment on me overdramatically accusing you for not wanting to be BF:s anymore?”

Harry just stares at Louis for a couple of seconds. Because of course he wants them to be BF:s, he just wants the B to stand for boy not best. He just wants them to be boyfriends. Not that he can ever tell Louis that. His silence must have gone on for too long because he can see tears prickle in Louis eyes as he draws away from him. That startles Harry into action, he grabs Louis arm and starts to ramble.  
“First off, of course you can sing, you idiot. I have no idea to why you have gotten the idea into your head that you can’t. If I am to honest I think your singing have improved a lot over the past year and you should have a lot more fucking solos than you do. I have told you so like a million times but I am willing to do it a million more if you need it. And I will always be your best friend Louis Tomlinson, no matter what. I know I have been acting a bit off lately but I never ever wanted you to think that I wouldn´t want to be your friend.” Harry inhales and looks into Louis eyes.

A smile spreads over the other boy´s face and all of a sudden Harry is being hugged hard.

“So you will still be my Hazza?” Louis whispers against Harry’s ear.

“Yes,” Harry mumbles back weakly.

“Good.”

The older boy draws back from the hug before leaning forward again, to place a kiss on Harrys cheek ,but the problem is that Harry chooses that moment to turn his head and the kiss lands somewhat sloppy on the side of Harrys mouth. Harry can feel himself go stiff and he inhales sharply. Louis must feel it too and he draws back a hint of confusion in his eyes and Harry can see a slight tint of color creeping up Louis cheeks. Harry doesn’t even want to think of what colors his cheeks are.

“So now you have been kisses by the great Tomlinson, I hope it lived up to your expectations,” Louis jokes and makes one of his faces.

Harry just smiles weekly back because they have in fact never kissed before, not even a small peck on the lips, which is a bit strange when he comes to think about it. Louis being the touchy feely and completely uninhibited person he is likes to pass out kisses both right and left. Harry has seen him peck all the other lads in the band on the lips, usually in a quite drunk state, but still. He has even seen him place a big kiss on his hometown buddy Stan´s lips once, even though the guy is a bit of homophobe and made a big scene of drying off his lips afterwards. But Louis has never kissed Harry on the mouth, until now that is. And to call that a kiss might be going a bit far considering Louis lips only touched half of Harry´s. But they still tingle, and Harry cannot but think that the kiss indeed lived up to his expectations and then some. Because if a misplaced peck on the side of his mouth makes him feel like this, he doesn’t even dare to think what a real kiss from the great Tomlinson would feel like.

“Now let’s go see what Malik is up to, probably looking at porn on his phone, you leave that guy alone for even two minutes,” Louis says bouncing out through the bedroom door.

Harry stays on the bed; both because he feels drained form the whole experience and because he´s sporting a massive hard on.

Later when Zayn have headed home and they have had sandwiches for dinner, too lazy to make anything else, Harry lays in his bed in the dark. The covers feel soft against his naked form and he is tired so he should be able to sleep, but he can´t. The day’s events run through his brain over and over again. Louis and Eleanor breaking up, Zayn´s quiet support for Harry, yes he is sure Zayn knows now. Especially after Louis had been talking about Eleanor for over half an hour during the game they decided to play and finally saying, as harsh as this sounds I think I´m kind of okay with this whole break thing. Then a small smile had played on Zayn´s lips and he had turned to Harry and winked and made thumbs up. He had fucking winked. Harry had felt his cheeks flood up and had pretended to be really into the game. What Zayn is thinking Harry has no idea, because even if Lou is okay with this break from Eleanor he is still straight and Harry is still very much a guy. And then Harry´s thoughts turn to the kiss. Or the almost kiss or whatever, and then he gets hard all over again. He closes his eyes and indulges himself in the fantasy, he´s not even trying to stop it. He lets himself imagine what could have happen if things were different. As he grips himself, stroking his length, he thinks of how he instead of sitting stiff with blushing cheeks would have grabbed Louis and showed him what it is to be kissed by the great Harry Styles. He would have kissed him with force, sliding his lips against Louis. He would have slipped his tongue in and Louis would have met up with his. And then they would have kissed, properly, deeply. He would have let his hands roam over Louis body. Squeezing his perfect bum, sliding in under his t shirt and over the boy´s lean torso. He would have touched Lou´s nipples. Play with them between his thumb and forefinger. Lou would have moaned into Harry´s mouth and move forward pressing his erection against Harry´s thigh. And Harry´s hard on would have pressed against Louis´ abs. Harry strokes himself faster, biting his lip to keep quiet. Louis would have rubbed himself up against Harry´s leg and Harry would have let his fingers trail down Louis body until his palm would have pressed against Louis´ hard pulsing cook.

Harry feels his orgasm approaching fast and he hears his pulse drum in his ears, but he also hears something else. Something that sounds strangely like light footsteps, and something that sounds remarkably like Lou´s voice.

“My rooms so cold, can I sleep in here tonight?”

Harry lets go of his dick, startled just at the brink of tipping over, he squints his eyes seeing Louis form tiptoe over to floor to Harry´s bed and before he can calm himself down enough to form words, he sees Louis lifting the covers and getting in under them. Louis half blind in the darkness without his contacts or glasses brushes out his hand right over the last place that Harry wants it to be. Harry tries to move away but when he does so it brushes over Louis hand again and there is nothing Harry can do as he feels the faint touch, his orgasm rushes on through and he can feel his cum shoot out. Shoot out all over Louis….

#### I will put a lock on my heart

You have two options in life, you either face up to shit or you run and hide. It takes Harry about a nanosecond to decide on the later. He can´t recall ever moving so fast in his life. He rolls off the bed, awkwardly dragging the covers with him, stumbles out the door and into the hallway. With only the faint light from the city slipping through the blinds he takes three long leaps and reaches the bathroom door and yanks it open and shut. His hands are slippery from sweat as he turns the lock and sits down heavily on the toilet seat. A wave of nausea comes over him and he puts his head in his hands. A dull ace in his left big toe reminds him that he must have stumbled over it on his way out the bedroom. The fucking bedroom where he has just left Louis covered in cum.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Harry hums to himself.

Out of all the shitty things that have ever happened to Harry this is by far the worst. How is he ever going to be able to come out of this bathroom and face Louis? He just can´t, he is going to have to live in here for the rest of his life. How long can a person live on only water, two weeks? More? Harry flicks on the light, regretting it at once when his reflection turns up in the mirror opposite him. He is white as a sheet except his cheeks who are flustered with color. His hair stands out from his head like a messy gloria and his green eyes are big and filled with panic, yeah and his freaking erection is still at half-mast glistering with its resent release. Harry closes his eyes trying to keep from hyperventilating. The flat is still silent apart from Harry´s rapid breathing. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Harry thinks to himself. It was a good thing Harry decides two seconds later when he hears steps in the hallway. He opens his eyes and looks around for a towel to wrap around himself. He finds a discarded, damp one on the floor. Louis must have left it there. Harry always hangs his up. Much to Louis delight as it means that the bathroom more often than not has one dry towel. Harry has given up long ago trying to keep their towels separate.

The damp towel is cold against Harry´s body and does little to help against the tremors that run through his limbs. Harry listens closely to the steps in the hallway. They have stopped now. Harry is afraid to inhale. He can feel Louis standing on the opposite side of the wooden door.

“Hum, Harry, do you mind opening, I kind of need to wash off a bit?” Louis´ voice calls.

“We have two bathrooms,” Harry answers, surprised that he still can form words.

“The other one is for guests.”

The answer is so ridiculous that Harry can´t help but laugh. Jesus, Louis can´t use the other bathroom to wash off Harry´s cum because it’s for guests? Yes that makes so much sense. His laugh must have sounded rather mad as Louis worriedly continues on the other side of the door.

“Just open ,Hazza, it was an accident, I feel awful, I have no idea what I was thinking sneaking into your room in the middle of the night. It must be this Eleanor thing, I´m not thinking straight. No I mean,” Louis pauses and Harry can hear him call fuck under his breath,” what I mean is, you don´t hate me, do you?”

Louis thinks Harry hates him? Louis thinks this whole thing is his fault? Harry can´t help but laugh again. This whole situation is just ridiculous. Of course Louis has no idea that Harry was thinking of him when he wanked off. If he looks at it from Louis point of view he can kind of see him thinking something along those lines. Harry moves over to the door and stands close to it. He doesn’t open it; it feels easier to talk to Louis when he is not face to face with him.

“No I don´t hate you. I´m just super embarrassed. I mean I just jizzed all over you, man.”

“Yes that was a first for me,” Louis chuckles before continuing.” This is turning out to be quite the day for first. First we kiss and then you spray all over me. And you didn’t even buy me dinner first. I am starting to feel a bit used here, Styles,” Louis says before bursting out laughing, breaking whatever tension there is left.

Harry opens the door with trembling hands and Louis busts it open. He pushes past Harry while pulling off his t shirt and tossing it at Harry.

“You are washing this, man,” he says before pulling off his boxers too and walks into the shower, not bothering to close the shower curtain before turning on the spray.

Harry stands there clutching the cum stained T shirt and trying desperately not to watch Louis naked form as the water caresses it. Small tendrils forming over the light tanned skin, running over the strong shoulders and toned arms. Running down the back to the most perfect ass ever created by the good Lord, continuing its path down the thighs and legs before disappearing down the shower drain. Yes Harry is trying, but he cannot for the life of him make himself look away.

The water is more lukewarm than hot but it will heat up in time, Lou is nothing but familiar with the rickety pluming of his building. He can feel Harry watching him in the shower. He can always feel Harry watching him; it is almost like he has a sixth sense when it comes to that. And he likes that Harry watches him a lot. It makes Louis feel appreciated, cared for. He told Liam about the sixth  
sense thing once. They had been slightly intoxicated from drinking beers Louis had brought to Liam´s flat. Sprayed out on Liam´s sofa watching some x- men movie Liam had asked if Louis had a superpower, what would it be?

“I kind of already have one, like I have this sixth sense thing,” Louis had answered.

“What man? “ Liam had looked skeptically at Louis over the rim of his beer can.

“Yes like I can always feel if Harry is watching me, even if he is behind me and I can´t see him,” Louis had taken a big sip if his beer and smiled at Liam.

“Are you sure you’re not…” Liam had said before trialing off and just shaking his head.

“What?” Louis had asked and pushed Liam on the side of his head.

“Nothing, Lou, let’s just watch the move okay?”

The water is finally starting to heat up and Louis can’t help but to hum in content as he pours some shower gel in his hands and starts to rub it over his body. He hears Harry make a strange choking sound. Louis looks over his shoulder to make sure Harry is okay. The other boy turns around quickly as if leaving, Louis T shirt held close to his naked chest. Louis don´t want him to leave, now when Harry finally is spending time with him not hidden away over at Zayn´s or huddled up in his room for once. The last thing that Louis wants is for this unfortunate bed incident to cause Harry to start acting strange again. The wheels in Louis´ head turns, he has to make sure Harry knows that he is completely fine with what has happen. He needs to show Harry that he is in no way uncomfortable around Harry just because the younger boy sprayed cum all over him. Sure he was startled at first not even realizing what was happening as something sticky sprayed over his hand and chest. When Harry then had thrown himself out of the room and into the bathroom it had dawned on Louis that he had interrupted Harry at a very private moment. Now as the hot sprays from the shower is cleaning all the evidence of that moment away Louis has to make sure Harry knows exactly how okay he is with the whole thing.

“Hey, Harry, why don´t you join me? I know you must be a bit sticky too?”

When he sees Harry´s wide eyes at his suggestion, Louis starts to worry that maybe, just maybe, he went a bit far with the must show Harry how comfortable I am with him plan. And when the seconds starts ticking away without Harry giving any kind of response besides staring at Louis, he starts to worry that instead of making Harry feel more at ease he had gone and done the exact opposite. Because asking his friend to take a shower with him after said friend just covered him in cum, might not be the straightest thing Louis has ever done.  
“Coffee, I´m gonna go make some coffee, you want some?” Harry stammers and with that he is out the door, Louis´ T shirt sill held close.  
It’s not until Louis hears Harry rumble around the kitchen, that he realizes that he never once have seen Harry drink coffee.  
•

#### Make you shiver

When Lou finally strolls into the kitchen having pulled on some sweats, Harry is watching the drops of back liquid that are falling down into the pot with a gurgling sound. Louis smells clean and nice and Harry feels awkward and sticky, still wearing the damp towel around his waist. They stand in silence by the steel counter, Louis standing too close for comfort. The seconds seem to tick by and Harry has by and Harry has no idea how to act or what to say. Neither does Louis it seems as he keeps clearing his throat.

“It was a joke, the thing about you joining me in the shower. You got that right?” Louis´ voice sounds shrill and it wavers a bit.

“Yes sure, I got that,” Harry answers without taking his eyes from the coffee maker.

Of course it was a joke. Taking showers together is a bit much even for Louis, Harry thinks. He tries not to think about the dull ache in his chest. How there had been some small shred of hope in him thinking that maybe, just maybe, Louis wanted more. Wanted to have Harry close under that warm spray of water, wanted to caress Harry in the way that Harry wants to caress him, making him shiver.  
Louis moves past him taking a seat by the table. Harry knows he should say something more, joke around with Lou, but he has no energy left.

“I think I´m just gonna go to bed,” he says looking at Louis over his shoulder.

“What about the coffee? I thought you wanted some?” Louis´ brows are knit together in a confused frown.

“I don´t even like coffee,” Harry mumbles and leaves the room.  
**  
The covers are cold now and Harry can´t help but wish that Louis would come tiptoeing back to Harry´s bed. He knows he won’t tough, how could he possibly after the strange events that have just occurred? He hears Louis moving around the flat, flicking off lights and finally moving over to his own bedroom and closing the door. Harry wonders if Louis is cold in his bed as Harry is in his. It is not until the faint light of dawn slips through a glitch in Harry´s bedroom curtain that sleep finally takes him. Bringing the same dreams as it usually does now days, dreams of a blue eyed boy named Louis Tomlinson.

 

They will be going on tour soon. The days are moving fast with rehearsals, endless of hours of doing the same dance moves, singing the same lyrics. Harry takes a sip of the water bottle allowing himself a moments break. They are going over some steps and Harry watches Niall move around like he is on speed, nothing new there. The rest of the lads in the band are moving in a more relaxed pace, except Louis who’s not with them, he´s working with the song coach. Harry is glad he´s not there as he is sure he would tease Harry unmercifully if he was, because Harry just can´t get this particular dance to work. When the rest of the boys move forward, Harry moves backward. When they move to the right, Harry moves to the left, all with an utterly confused frown on his face. There are mirrors all around the room so Harry knows just how entirely hopeless he looks. He takes another sip from the bottle and tries not to sigh, his thoughts turning to the past week. He and Louis has not talked about that night, they haven’t even joked about it. Harry can´t help to think that it’s a bit out of character for them both, at least for Louis. The next morning Louis had gone to the gym before Harry had woken up and when he had come home he had acted like nothing had occurred. And maybe it hadn’t, as Louis seemed to see it as some kind of joke. The only problem with that scenario was that Louis didn´t joke about it. Not even one lite masturbation joke. Harry doesn’t know what to think anymore. Just the other day when he was slouching in the sofa he looked up finding Louis hovering by the door looking at him strangely. When he saw Harry looking at him he pretended like nothing, walked into the living room and sat down on the other end of the sofa, not huddled up close like he usually did. Harry can´t help but think that Louis is uncomfortable around him. What if Louis suspects something?  
He is awaken from his musings by the dance coach telling them all to take five.  
¨  
“A penny for your thoughts, Styles,” Liam says joining him.

“Sure, I could use a penny, I could buy, hum let me think, absolutely nothing with a fucking penny,” Harry jokes.

Liam sits down resting his back to the wall, gesturing for Harry to join him. Harry does so a bit reluctantly, because Liam has that look on his face. The look that says don´t try to bullshit me I see right through you. Harry’s T shirt is damp with sweat and sticks uncomfortably against his back as he presses it to the wall.

“What is up with you, Harry? You seem a bit down man,” Liam is taking big gulps of his water bottle in between sentences.

Harry doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t want to tell Liam what is going on, it´s enough that Zayn knows.

“I´m just nervous about the tour that is all,” Harry sighs and runs his hands through his hair.

“Okay,” Liam draws out the word clearly not believing Harry,” Louis has been acting kind of strange too this week. Did something happen? Did something happen with the two of you?” Liam´s hand is suddenly resting on Harry´s shoulder.

“Well if it did it´s none of your business,” Harry says, but it comes out week and he puts his head in his hands.  
Liam´s hand squeezes Harry´s shoulder.

“I know man, but I am your friend, we all are and we are just concerned about you, that’s all.”  
Harry feels at the brink of tears. Everything is just so fucked up and Liam’s hand feels warm and nice and he just wants to talk to someone so bad.

“Could we not talk about this in here,” Harry says, stroking away a stray tear that has formed in the corner of his eye.

“Sure I know a place,” Liam says getting up and gesturing for Harry to follow.

Both Niall and Zayn gives them questioning looks as they leave the dance studio but Harry is too tired to even be bothered. Liam leads him down a corridor and up a steep stairwell, and suddenly Harry is faced with the most amazing view of Hyde Park.

“Are we allowed to be up here?” He asks as he follows Liam out on the rooftop.

“Danielle showed me this spot, we used to come here and,” Liam trials off and blushes.

“And now you take me here, should I be worried?” Harry jokes and sits down next to Liam enjoying the mild May weather.

Liam just laughs bumping his shoulder into Harry´s. Then they just sit in silence for a while.

“I don´t know what to fucking do, Liam.”

“About what?”

“About Lou,” Harry whispers even though there is no one else around.

“Why don´t you start by telling me what has been going on between the two of you. Did you sleep together?”

“What? No! Are you crazy?” Harry’s voice is loud, scaring away a pigeon who is sitting a few feet away.

“Then what?” Liam looks confused.

“I, I´m, it’s like this.” Harry inhales deeply before finally saying it.” I´m in love with him.” Finally admitting it out loud feels nice but also utterly terrifying.

A giggle escapes form Liam before he claps his hand over his mouth.

“Thanks man, I just confessed my deepest darkest secret and you just fucking giggles like a twelve year old.”

“No it´s not that. It’s just that people have been claiming that you two are in love since you fucking meet and I guess it’s nice that at least one of you are finally admitting it,” Liam answers.

“It’s not like that Liam. We were really good friends and I have ruined it all that by starting to feel this stupid things. I just want to make it stop.”

“I don´t think that is how it works. Maybe you should try taking to him, Harry?”

“Would you? Would you fucking talk to Niall or Zayn if you started having feelings for them?” Harry asks.

Liam starts to move a bit uneasy in his spot.

“I don´t really think that is the same, Harry. I mean the two of you have something special, it’s always been a bit more then friendship, even you have to admit to that.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. We were best friends, we are best friends and that is all.”

“Oh please,” Liam just shakes his head.

“Then what the fuck do you suggest that I should do?”

“Talk to him, or you know just fucking kiss him, I am sure it will work itself out from there.”

“He already kissed me, but that was a mistake, and then he sneaked into my bed and then, I can’t even tell you what happened then, Liam,” Harry hides his head in his hands again and groans.

“I thought you said you didn´t fuck?”

“Oh we didn’t, just you have to promise not to say anything about this to Louis.”

“Sure, but I still think you should tell him.”

Harry looks at the bright blue sky as he contemplates Liam´s words. Tell him, tell Louis how he feels. But what would be the point, when Louis likes girls and Harry is no girl, but sometimes when Harry lets himself be a bit delusional, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, Louis likes him more than he likes girls, because Harry sure does like Louis way more than any girl, or boy for that matter.  
**

When Harry gets home it´s almost dark and his stomach grumbles from hunger. He stumbles over Louis shoes placed in the middle of the hallway. He curses under his breath before making his way into the kitchen.

“Thank God your home, I was going to bake,” Louis says.

Harry looks around the kitchen. To call it a mess is putting it mildly, Louis seems to have pulled out ever kitchen supply they have and some Harry didn’t know they had.

“Bake what?” Harry asks.

“Cake,” Louis says standing up on his tip toes trying to reach a bag of flour on a shelf. Before Harry has time to step forward and help him the bag tips over and covers the counter and most of Louis in white dust.

They laugh and Harry steps forward trying to brush some of the flour from Louis´ face. Louis gets a strange look on his face and Harry starts to pull his hand away immediately. Felling confused about what he did wrong, but Louis catches his hand midair, pulling it back to his cheek.

“Don’t pull away from me, Harry. It just feels like every time we are close now days you pull away.” Louis´ words hang in the air, his cheek warm under Harry´s palm.  
Harry tries to swallow. He looks into Louis´ eyes, who looks dilated in the fluorescent light from the kitchen lamp.

“I don´t want to,” Harry says, his voice a hoarse whisper.

His palm caresses Louis` cheek.

“Then don´t,” Louis says taking a step closer.

Having Louis this close is pure bliss and pure agony mixed into one, because Harry wants to kiss him so bad it hurts. And then Louis takes another step forward, maybe aiming for a hug, Harry is not sure because he is being pulled by a force stronger than himself, an urge that cannot be controlled. He steps up to meet Louis and puts his other hand up pulling Louis close by the suspenders he´s wearing and crash their lips together. Louis goes stiff with surprise at first, but Harry keeps kissing him until he responds, his lips moving against Harry´s, his arms coming around Harry´s back pulling them even closer. Harry can´t think all he can do is feel, and the feeling of kissing Louis for real is like nothing else. It’s a high that Harry fears he can never come down from.  
•

#### I will release the chains I have put around my heart

Harry kisses with force and tongue and with all he´s got. His hands go up in your hair, messing it up. He is taller than you making you have to tilt your heard up. Harry kisses like there is no tomorrow and only now. Harry kisses like you are the only person on earth that matter, like you are the very center of his universe, and Louis Tomlinson never in a million years thought he would ever get to know this. But now he does, because he is being kissed by Harry and his head is spinning and his knees are week and he is probably kissing back but he´s not sure. Because his entire world has been turned upside down and he is desperately trying to make sense of what is happening. He tries to talk against Harry´s lips, which turns out to be hard. All that comes out is:

“What.” More kissing and Harrys tongue caresses Louis´ teeth.” Are we.” Louis´ tongue in Harry’s mouth for some unknown reason.” Doing?” A strange strangled sound from Louis as Harry pulls away looking into Louis´ eyes.

“Kissing,” Harry says before inhaling.

“Oh,” is all Louis can manage.

He is out of breath and his heart is beating against his ribcage like it’s trying to break free. Like he has to restrain it or it will run away. Louis is not sure he wants to know where it would run to. He is a bit afraid that the restrains and chains he has put on his heart are slowly crumbling to dust. That all the neat boxes in which he has organized his life into are opening up and getting mixed up. Harry is looking at him the way that only Harry can. That intense stare that tend to make some people uncomfortable, but who Louis likes, the stare that Louis thrives under. Well at least he used to, now he feels uneasy, scared even. Because he feels like a fool for not realizing what it means before or maybe for always knowing what it means but pretending otherwise.

“I should wash up; I have flour all over me.”

Louis leaves the kitchen before Harry has a chance to answer. For the first time since moving into this flat Louis locks the bathroom door. He washes off in cold water not bothering to let the tap run warm. His face still looks strangely pale even after he has washed all the flour away, the normally so neat hairdo is pointing in all directions. Louis starts to brush it in place, making sure his fringe is facing in the right direction. This makes him feel slightly more calm, the familiarity of the act working as balm on his wired up feelings.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says to the scared boy looking back at him in the mirror.

The boy doesn’t seem to agree. His eyes are still big and he is far from the person that Louis usually lets the world see.

“It’s only Harry, you know Harry. Don’t fuck this up Louis. Whatever you do don´t fuck this up.”

A soft nock alerts Louis to the fact that he is in the bathroom talking to his own image in the mirror.

“Please come out, Louis. I´m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, can´t we just pretend like it didn´t happen?”

Louis can hear that Harry is trying to keep his voice even but it’s apparent that he is crying. That snaps Louis out of his daze, he hates when Harry cries and the fact that he is crying over something Louis has done rips right at his heart. He takes one last look at the boy in the mirror whispering closely to glass.

“Maybe this time I can comfort him.”

With that he turns walks over to the door and unlocks it. Harry looks a bit startled when he exists quickly wiping off tears from his cheeks.

“Oh, hi, do you wanna play some game, or we could like watch a movie,” Harry rambles, still wiping away tears that are still forming in his eyes.

“Yes we could. But I rather do this,” Louis says and steps forward placing his lips on Harry´s.

They taste salty from tears but Louis doesn’t mind. He can feel Harry smile against his lips before kissing back. It feels sweet and innocent, at least at first. Then Harry pushes Louis up against the wall his hands on Louis´ hips, kissing him with more force and placing his leg in between Louis´. The pressure feels nice, because Louis is hard, painfully so. He knows Harry must be able to feel it and it both excites and scares him. He can feel Harry against his hip, the length of his erection pressing through his jeans. Louis feels curios about it, he has never felt an erect penis except his own and he wonders if it would feel different in his hand. Bigger, it will surely feel bigger, about that Louis holds no illusions. Even now restrained by the jeans Louis can feel that Harry is both longer and wider than him. He edges his hand down Harry´s body until it rests on his thigh. Louis´ palm is sweaty and he is terrified, but he still moves it further along until he is gripping Harry through his jeans. He rubs his hand up and down, making Harry´s kisses turn messy until he moves his head tucking it in the nape of Louis´ neck, his hot breath coming out in puffs.

Louis feels a strange sense of power, making Harry almost go limp in his arms form the touch. He speeds up his movements and grabs Harry´s ass with his other hand. All of a sudden Harry´s shudders and Louis feels the jeans getting damp under his palm. But before Louis has a chance to contemplate that he has just made Harry come in his trousers from only the pressure of his palm, he finds Harry on his knees in front of him, pulling down his zipper. He looks down on the familiar curls and moves his hand to stroke them as he has so many times before, but stops, his hand hanging in midair, as Harry pulls his jeans and boxers down and wraps his mouth around Louis´s erection. Harry´s mouth is warm and he sucks Louis in a somewhat uneven pace, his teeth sometimes scraping the skin, but only a couple of minutes pass before Louis pushes roughly at Harry´s shoulder and he pulls away as Louis´ come sprays his cheeks and lips. Louis closes his eyes letting his head fall back to the wall behind him. What now?

Louis feels like he is falling, his legs despretly seeking solid ground, then he feels Harry pressing the length of his body against his and wrapping his arms around him. Hugging him like only Harry can, and then Louis feels grounded again.

 

 

 

 


End file.
